One of the more challenging conversations I had was with a young man in his 20s. He came to talk about his fear and anxiety that stemmed from violence and loss in his life. He told me about his friends who were in jail or in trouble with the law, and others who died from gun violence. He was eager to know how to understand what was happening and how to help his friends. In the most honest and careful way that I could, I explained that he wasn’t able to change his friends even if he cared deeply about them. And if he and his friends didn’t choose to change their habits and behaviors, then he could surely count on more violence, trouble with the law, and death of his friends, if not his own. The only true choice he had was what he was going to do for himself, first.

The honest conversation was eye-opening for him. He heard that he shouldn’t count on any positive change unless he took steps to alter the direction he was going. And he heard that his choices didn’t come without also caring for his friends’ well-being. Now he had to decide what would be his next best step to alter his direction. What did Torah have to tell him?

My advice came from this week’s Torah portion, Lech-lecha (Genesis 12). This is the familiar portion when God said to Abram (Abraham), “Go forth from your native land and from your father’s house to the land that I will show you.” Further, rabbinic commentators asked, why didn’t God show Abraham the place he was going immediately? They explained that it was to make the place more beloved in his eyes as he came closer to it. And for each step that Abraham took on his own toward the place, God blessed him there. In contemporary terms, we might say that it was a lesson in delayed gratification versus immediate gratification. Sweat equity is another way of describing how God enabled Abraham to be a partner in his future. God also promised to make Abraham a father of nations, which is a great reason to “go forth,” and said to Abraham, “Be a blessing.”

Though we are not fathers or mothers of nations, we are meant to be blessings, too, in our own way and in our own day. The young man who learned from me about Abraham began to understand his choices. He needed to “go forth” and leave behind a checkered and predictable path that regularly led to struggle, violence, and death. Where he would go was not a given, but for each step he would take with support, counsel, and faith, he would likely find greater blessings and eventually a safer and more secure destination. Thus far, the end of his story, as it was for Abraham, was that he did find a new direction and the cycle of destruction did end for him. Work, new friends, and new relationships flourished even as he thought about and cared about people in his past.

It doesn’t always work out this way, but for those who have support, counsel, and faith, something new and better can emerge. It takes time. It takes courage. It also takes faith to find in oneself what God has created there. Feelings of youthful invincibility take time to mellow when we enter young adult maturity. If we give way to the change and welcome it as part of life’s journey, then what God created in us can emerge in its right time and flourish in ways we can only begin to imagine. It’s not only true about young adults. It’s true about all of us in every age and stage that we enter.

Someone said to me recently that he was turning 80 and just a little jealous that he wasn’t as young as I am, though I’m growing older, too. I agreed, but I added that even at my age, I’m a little jealous of him. How so? I told him that there’s no guarantee that I’ll ever be 80. With support, counsel, and faith, I hope to make it to 80 and beyond, too. He smiled and found for a moment some satisfaction in having made it to 80, and God willing, many more years to come.

“Go forth” is more than a command to lead. It’s a command to live and to become what we were created to be. Mindful of Torah’s ethics and Judaism’s hopes, we can arrive at destinations where the fulfillment of our life’s blessings can be found and celebrated. Like Abraham, with gratitude, we can live and lead, and we can grow and thrive to be a blessing, too.

L’Shalom,