Every year when we read from the portion, Ki Teitzei, in the Book of Deuteronomy, I quickly turn to chapter 22, verse 3. It says, “You shall not remain indifferent.” The Hebrew verse can also be translated, “you shall not hide yourself.” It has always resonated with me. The verse teaches us to respond to the needs of others or to needy situations. The Talmud and Commentaries teach that we have ethical duties to prevent harm and to respond to trouble. It’s simply our duty to care and to help. Elie Weisel explains, “The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.” Love and hate are only the opposite sides of the same coin. But, indifference is anathema to life, because it violates our purpose as human beings and our covenant with God.

            Ordinarily, we read this verse to mean we have a commitment to others. But, this year I’d like us to read it differently. Let’s understand it to mean that we have a duty not to remain indifferent to our personal feelings and needs. “You shall not hide yourself,” can mean that we shouldn’t ignore the real joys and sorrows we are experiencing personally.

            For example, death is a time for mourning. Often, families who have dealt with the lingering illness of a loved one decide that the incident of death is time now for less mourning and more living. On one level they are right, because long repeated stays in the hospital have taken so much out of everyone. However, weeks or months later, overwhelming grief can return suddenly out of nowhere. The truth is that it doesn’t come out of nowhere. It comes from a place inside that hasn’t been fully addressed. As difficult as a lingering illness can be, the sudden death changes what became a familiar routine and a daily concern. When it all changes, it isn’t like turning off the light switch. It’s more like closing the door for a little while on a room we don’t have to enter anymore. Eventually, the room must be entered, gone through, and redone. Hiding or repressing feelings of grief denies what is real. A loved one is gone. A familiar routine has ended. Facing it now while others are sharing our feelings connects us to the world as it is.

            The same can be true about joy. We work and keep routines that are part of our productive life-style. The economy has added hours to our days. But, like the nutrition we need to sustain us, we also thrive on laughter and joy. When was the last time you let yourself really laugh out loud? We need to step away from work at the end of the day. We need to pause and make time for ourselves that we deserve. Take a walk in the park, or sit in a favorite chair to read a book that’s been waiting to be read. Savor the joyous occasions that mark time in your family’s life.

            “You shall not remain indifferent” to your self. Feel what’s inside. Don’t disguise the pain or hide from joy. It’s better to laugh out loud and to cry openly. The honest feelings you come to know will make it easier to be honest with others whom you love and care about the most. If the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference, then let yourself feel what’s inside you. Don’t hide from yourself. Don’t be indifferent to the one who also matters.

            From my family to yours, Shabbat Shalom.